55 Ways To Attain a Happy Marriage
Excerpt from the book Jewels of Advice for the Husband & Wife based on the teachings of the Qur’an & Sunnah, which was written by Students of Sheikh Omar Bakri Muhammad based on his lectures.
1. Remember that short separations (days) away from the wife may strengthen the marriage bonds, but long separations (weeks, months) will weaken and harm the relationship.
2. You should understand and be considerate of the physiological nature of the female makeup so that you can properly deal with your affairs together, without distress or difficulties.
3. Don’t allow for disputes of one day to last until the next day.
4. Avoid talks about past relationships, previous engagements, or marriages.
5. Stay away from idealism, and live your way naturally, and don’t expect miracles to come your way.
6. Convey your love and warm feelings to your wife whenever you can.
7. You must not submit yourself to anxieties and worries, and always be optimistic with a smiling face
8. Beware of arguments and harsh criticism about every minor and major
incident.
9. Always try to confine the dispute in a small narrow circle, and don’t allow it to expand, and be in control of the dispute before it goes out of control.
10. Jealousy, suspicions and doubts are enemies. Always deal with reality and stay away from suspicions and fictions.
11. Plant self-confidence in your partner’s mind and trust in him/her … make him/her feel contempt and sell-satisfied.
12. It is not enough that you marry a compatible person, you must be compatible as well.
13. Cleanliness is essential for Emaan and a symbol of love.
14. Compromise on some of the issues w^hich you consider dear to you, so that you can love the qualities your partner has.
15. Look after your partner in the same way you look after yourself, and love to him that which you love for yourself.
16. Accept the principle of give and take … and don’t be self-centred in order to take more than you give, or take everything.
17. The man wants his wife to be ideal and be able to deal with all matters with goodness, and give him unconditional love. The woman wants her husband to have a strong personality and be able to suffice all her needs, and she wants to be sure that she is the last woman in his life.
18. Don’t rush into blaming your partner for every incident, instead assume half the responsibility and don’t try to predict the unseen.
19. Live your day and don’t think about the worries of tomorrow (a day which has not come), and act within your capabilities.
20. It is your duty to try and understand the sanctity of marriage. It is a very strong institution, so pause for a moment before you take a step after which regrets will be of no value.
21. Although love is an essential and important part of marriage, don’t solely rely on love as a basis to the marriage.
22. You should be an example to your partner, and let your good actions tell and convey your personality.
23. Don’t allow room for your relatives and neighbours to interfere between the two of you and try to solve your problems amongst yourselves as much as possible.
24. Don’t rush into correcting faults that you perceive in your partner. There are things and habits which can only change with time, and don’t exaggerate small matters, making them into large disputes.
25. You must understand and accept marital responsibilities and consequences with a content heart and inner-satisfaction.
26. Be very cautious to avoid disputes amongst yourselves, and be sure not to humiliate nor embarrass your partner.
27. Work together with your husband and engage yourselves in collective duties; this will strengthen your bonds and creates good memories thereafter.
28. Allow opportunities for your spouse to freely express him/herself. Be an admirer of his/her ambitions, and do not be sarcastic nor undermine his/her capabilities.
29. The financial rights must be respected. It should not be taken lightly as this is among the major causes of marriage disputes.
30. Don’t engage your spouse with your sorrows, and try your best to overcome them yourself. But be sure not to forget her in your happy occasions.
31. Dear wife!!! Beware of allowing your female friends to interfere in your private life, even if they were to advise you.
32. Make your husband feel that he is the ideal person you have always wished for, and you are proud of him and admire his personality.
33. Remember the good qualities of your spouse whenever a dispute emerges between the two of you, and don’t let his/her shortcomings occupy your mind so that you may forget his/her good qualities.
34. Ask yourself these questions, so that you can recognize the goodness and the inner-beauty of your partner and successfully overcome your disputes. What does each of you find attractive in the other? – What are the happily special occasions you spent together? – What collective activities you enjoy doing together? – What does each of you do to show his/her care to the other? – What each of you does to show his love and respect to the other? – What are your common future goals?
35. Dear wife!!! Avoid the use of hurtful and disgraceful expressions during marriage disputes, otherwise you may lose your husband.
36. You will gain the love of each other by exchanging gifts with each other … let this be a symbol of your married life upon every happy event.
37. The intelligent wife is the one which chooses the proper time to ask for her needs and the needs of the children and chooses the appropriate time to express her thoughts about the behaviour of her husband … sometimes
the time which you choose may not be suitable … think twice!
38. ‘My dignity’ … ‘my pride’ … these are the words of shaitaan which he inserts in the hearts of the spouses during the dispute to cover their assumed responsibihty and ensures that they stay in dispute … why should the spouses allow for this and let shaitaan be in charge!?
39. Don’t ignore the presence of your spouse … mutual consultation (shuraa) is very important for marriage life … each must feel that he is an important contributor to married life.
40. Don’t leave or run away whenever there is dispute … running away is not a method to solve disputes. It is wise to allow for several moments of silence and then come together to solve the dispute.
41. Don’t bother your husband with multiple questions that are of no concern to you, or inquiring on secrets or matters that your husband doesn’t wish to disclose to you. This may lead the husband to leave the house and go seek some solace elsewhere.
42. Don’t leave your husband and seek to stay alone, but be near to him and engage with him whenever you can.
43. If you are a working wife, remember that your first duty is your household. Seek to accommodate both matters in the best way.
44. Don’t show anger when your in-laws come to visit the home, instead be a good example of reception with a warm welcoming hospitality, and be assured that these actions tell your husband much about you and your manners.
45. Dignify and respect your mother-in-law and call her with names that are most beloved to her. Don’t try to dispute with her, and always mention her son with goodness in front of her.
46. The neighbour and the neighbour … this is the advice of the prophet Muhammad ﷺ, so deal with the neighbours in good manners, reminding and helping them with matters of worship, and participating in their happiness and sorrows … this is what our beautiful deen has requested us to do.
47. Persisting differences of opinion is likely to result in differences of the hearts, so be in agreement with your husband sometimes even if you aren’t truly convinced. Be reminded that it is no obedience in which there is disobedience to Allah … obey your husband in matters of goodness and good advices.
48. You can achieve the quiet atmosphere that the husband needs at home by engaging the children in games that stimulate their minds … like building blocks, etc.
49. Your children are a great grace and a precious gift … don’t allow them to be miserable because of your shortcomings and your engagement in other ill-priorities.
50. Learn about the stages of child development and the ways to best deal with your children accordingly. Avoid those adverse triggers that may have great consequences on your child’s health and psychological well- being.
51. Be a strong support to your husband on matters of deen and worship,
and ask for the hereafter in the same way you ask for this life.
52. Extravagancy corrupts marriage … it fades the grace of Allah and makes it disappear … and Allah doesn’t like those whom are extravagant. But be wise in your dealings and don’t ever feel the need for others.
53. True happy marriage doesn’t mean the disappearance of disputes, instead it means your wise ability to solve those disputes together and not to allow them to interfere with the relationship between you and your spouse.
54. Beware of disputes with your husband in the presence of the children, or raising your voice in their presence. Before anything, the children first learn from examples and blind imitation … these disputes will be programmed in the child’s mind with potential consequences thereafter.
55. Don’t allow anyone to interfere with your personal life and do not permit a reason for interference in the first instance … avoid sharing the secrets of your household with friends or close relatives.
Bilal shariff 