60 Ways To Win the Heart of Your Husband
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Excerpt from the book Jewels of Advice for the Husband & Wife based on the teachings of the Qur’an & Sunnah, which was written by Students of Sheikh Omar Bakri Muhammad based on his lectures.
1. You are the shining flower of your home … make your husband feel the beauty and the fragrance of this flower from the moment he enters the home.
2. Seek to bring peace and comfort to him either by means of actions and/or words … accomplish this with an active spirit.
3. Be polite and attentive in your dialogues and discussions and distance yourself from arguments and the stubbornness on your own opinion.
4. Understand the true and beautiful Islamic principles behind superiority (of the husband over the wife), which the nature of woman necessitates and do not take this as means of oppression.
5. Speak to your husband with a soft voice and be sure not to raise your voice in his presence.
6. Make sure you plan together to wake up for qiyam-ul-layl prayer from time to time … this will bring enlightenment and happiness to your marriage … verily in the remembrance of Allah the hearts find comfort.
7. Be cautiously quiet when he is angry and don’t go to sleep unless he is pleased with you.
8. Stand near him whilst he is wearing his clothes and shoes.
9. Make him feel that you want him to wear certain clothes … choose these for him yourself.
10. Be very sensitive and accurate in understanding his needs to make the best of your marriage without wasting time.
11. In case of arguments, do not await an apology from him (and don’t expect it in the first place) except that which he readily admits.
12. Take care of his appearance and clothes even if he doesn’t seem to care or dresses simplistically… but surely he will like that which his friends like.
13. Do not always rely on his willingness to make love to you … take the lead at appropriate times.
14. Be like a new bride for him every night and don’t go to sleep ahead of him unless of necessity.
15. Do not await nor expect rewards in return for your good actions and behaviour … many of the husbands simply get busy with their lives and unintentionally forget to convey certain appreciations.
16. Actively act according to his circumstances and financial abilities … but stay away from excessiveness and expensive demands.
17. Receive him with a cheerful face and yearning expressions to signal your deep feelings and love upon his return from a journey or travel.
18. Always remember that the husband is a means to draw closer to Allah (swt).
19. Make sure to always keep renewing and changing your style of appearance, and the phrases you use upon his reception.
20. Don’t be slow or reluctant when he asks you to do certain things… but be sure to do it with a lively conviction.
21. Always restructure, decorate and rearrange the house furniture especially before he comes back from a travel and make him feel that you are doing this to please him.
22. Be conscious to closely look after and maintain the household.
23. Learn how to excel in some of the womanly activities… you will need these for your home and achieving them reminds you of your femininity.
24. Receive all that which he brings home (i.e. food and other supplies) with appreciation and thankfulness.
25. Make sure to always keep the home pristine, clean, and organized even if he doesn’t ask from you to do so.
26. Maintain a calm and relaxed atmosphere at home according to his schedule and don’t make him feel bothered by the noise whilst doing your household duties.
27. Be content and make sure not to be extravagant so that the expenses may not supersede the incomings.
28. Surprise him with a small family get-together and celebration from time to time and choose a time that is convenient for him.
29. Always make him feel that his opinion matters to you in the things which you consider important and personal … especially matters which deal with you and the children and be straight and don’t beat around the bush.
30. Always remember your femininity and guard it well … display your femininity to your husband in ways which he approves and in times that are convenient to him without any conditions.
31. Whenever he returns from a travel or a long journey away from home don’t receive him with bad news or complaints despite the seriousness of the matter … delay bad news till he has rested adequately.
32. Let the children participate in the reception of their father when he returns from abroad or travel … according to their age.
33. Don’t bring about complains about the children upon your husband’s return from a travel, his awakening from sleep, and during the food gatherings … this has a strong consequence upon the father and the children.
34. Don’t interfere with his methods of guiding and disciplining the children for any matter.
35. Be sure to create and maintain a good warming relationship between the father and the children despite his workload … but with wisdom without distracting his work.
36. Despite him being busy in household matters, make him feel that you are in good control of raising the children because of his prayers to you and his consultation in matters involving the children.
37. Don’t rush into finding the outcomes of any disciplining matter which you practice with your children … be aware that usually it takes long time for changes to happen according to the child’s age, otherwise it creates frustration and discontinuation of the disciphning method being used.
38. Make your method of guiding the children full of kindness and wisdom in order to capture the attention of the mind and the heart together … and don’t rely solely on the softness of advice to gain the hearts of your children (you need to make them understand their mistakes or misbehaviour and discipline them accordingly.)
39. Excel at occupying your children spare time with good causes and activities that stimulates their minds and potentials, especially during vacations and school breaks.
40. Be a good friend to pur daughters… recognize the psychological changes that each female experiences during each menstrual cycle.
41. Help and instruct your children (especially the daughters) to recognize and appreciate the attributes and qualities of the Almighty by means of instruction and assessment.
42. Be sure to find the spiritual balance between the duties towards your husband, your children, your home, and your work.
43. Show respect to him and his parents and family and deal with them kindly as if you deal with your parents … be reminded that it is his parents who have presented you with this valuable gift (your beloved husband).
44. Be receptive, warm and generous of his family and present gifts to them upon happy occasions … and kindly encourage him to visit his family even if he shows no interest.
45. Take care of his guests and don’t get agitated by their repetitive visits at home or by their surprise visits … but be sure to honour and show good hospitahty toward his guests as this is a matter which displays his respect and dignity.
46. Look after his papers and his personal belongings and take good care of them.
47. Keep the home clean, well arranged, and always ready for guests. Efficiently arrange his papers and his personal belongings without searching in his private matters without his permission.
48. Don’t complain about his late coming and him being away from home … but gather the good warming feelings you have towards him and be proud of his work and accomplishments.
49. Don’t force him to displace his distress with use of insulting terminology … but learn how to understand his body language when he is distressed (i.e. hand gesture, facial expressions and voice tone, etc.) instead of quickly reacting to his behaviour.
50. Always make him feel that his needs are on top of your responsibilities despite the magnitude of your responsibilities and duties.
51. Don’t complain to others about your husband’s work and activities especially those involved in religious activity of a demanding nature.
52. Understand that your husband has the right to know what goes on with you and whatever goes between you and your sisters without details.
53. Make him feel that you are personally caring for him … the good wife is the one who proves her presence at home and her husband is aware of her presence even at times of busyness.
54. Beware not to let your work and activities interfere with your natural feminine character.
55. Take special care to guard the secrets of your household and support your husband with his work by learning more about what he does.
56. Don’t ever compare your husband with others … instead remember the beautiful traits and the admirable qualities that he has.
57. Know about the methods to call people to Islam … this will be a worthwhile and enriching quality that will be of handy use in the circle of women.
58. Know about the material and financial difficulties that keep most woman busy and stressed … so that you can properly deal and help them get out of these situations … and choose a wise way to start your talk.
59. Be sure to converse with the heart before the mind when dealing with your female sisters … this nature of women demands so.
60. Be sure to spread chores and duties amongst your family so that your duties and responsibilities don’t become a burden and difficulty on yourself.
Finally, you must always put your full trust in Allah and don’t rely on the work of humans … and don’t forget that we always need the guidance and the success which comes from Allah
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